I've been doing a lot of thinking about the future lately. I am not in the holiday spirit at all, and I am kind of wishing I could just hit the fast forward button and get through this already. I'm sure part of this is because we have a 'new' baby in the family. He was born just after the first of the year, so this will be his first Christmas, and everyone will be making a big deal about that. With my history of loss, it just makes it hard to celebrate the first anything with new babies.
Part of it is also because I have been feeling very unsure about what my future holds. For the first time in a very long time, that is kind of up in the air. I had a plan. A plan that I thought was written in stone. Now, I am not sure if that plan is even the plan anymore. To be honest, I am not even sure there is a plan.
Things have been not so great on the home front, and my being sick for what seems like an eternity has not helped with that. I still don't feel back to 100% yet, and honestly I am still struggling with my depression. I'm not sure that my husband understands any of it, and we just fight anytime I try to explain, so I have turned back to just not saying anything at all. I'm not sure how long a marriage can survive like this though.
One thing I have been focusing a lot about is what I want to change in the immediate future. I've been thinking a lot about my goals for the next year. I've already started my list, (which usually doesn't even get made until after Christmas) and I have decided to get a head start on them. Some I will start earlier than others.
1. Exercise more, eat less and get healthy!
One of the only things they found when they did the ultrasound on my gall bladder, liver, kidneys, lungs, etc. was that I have a fatty liver. Of course the only way to correct that is to lose weight. I have been living in a land of denial for a long time. I have known for years that I was overweight, but I have let it get completely away from me. I told myself it didn't have any effect on my health, but clearly it does. I need to lose between 80 and 100 pounds. Monday I am going to start P90X. I bought the system a year ago, and for some reason, I never started it. I'm not waiting until the first of the year now though. I'll start it the day after tomorrow.
2. Clean out and become a minimalist.
I think a large amount of my stress and depression comes from all of the clutter! There is so much CRAP crammed into this house. It's everywhere. We have clothes that we have never worn, movies that we have never watched, games we have never played. Seriously, so of this stuff still has price tags on it or is still wrapped in plastic. Why, if I am so stressed out about money, are we buying unnecessary stuff? It's all about eliminating anything I don't need or use, and hopefully eliminating stress in the process. It's about focusing on what is really important in my life. I'm starting with completely de-cluttering my bedroom now. When the semester ends, I will go through EVERYONE's wardrobes and make some major cuts I'll donate the items that still have life in them, and discard anything that is ruined. After that, I de-clutter, one room at a time.
3. Write daily.
I am starting a 365 blog. This one will be all about quotes and why I choose the ones I do. In addition to that, I will be posting in this blog more often as well. I also want to write a book, or more likely a collection of short stories. I have tried to write a book repeatedly, and I usually get off to a good start, but then writer's block sets in. I am going to work on turning all these little starts of books into short stories. Hopefully by this time next year I will be submitting some of my writing to a publisher. I've already started by trying to write here at least once a week. Once my semester ends, I will increase that to three times a week. The 365 blog won't start until January 1st, and working on the short stories will start as soon as the semester is over.
4. Drink plenty of water.
This is just part of the healthier me. I live life partially dehydrated all of the time. If I am going to be working out and eating right, I need to start giving myself plenty of fluids too. This is another one that I am starting immediately. I'm drinking a big glass of water as I type this actually!
5. Finish remodeling upstairs.
This has been a work in progress for far too long. It is time to complete some projects. I'd like to say the whole house, but that is unlikely. In the spring I am going to purchase the supplies needed to drywall upstairs at the very least. The bathroom floor will have to be done as well. I'm really starting to worry that I am going to end up on the ground during a shower. The roof isn't far behind either, so I am guessing that the major remodeling of the bathroom, and gutting the downstairs will have to wait a year or two. At the very minimum though, I want the kids bedrooms, and the guestroom for Christina completed as soon as possible. I can't even really get started on this until February when we get our financial aid checks though.
So, there you have it. My goals for the next year and beyond really. Most of these things aren't goals that have a finish line. They are lifestyle changes, and things that I will have to work at for the rest of my life. I can't wait to get started.
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