My sister-in-law just turned 30 this last week. She was dreading it, prefering to just ignore the day. It was also her first birthday in Iowa though, and with the extended family she has, I knew that was very unlikely. As I listened to her dreading the day more and more as it creapt closer, I was reminded of myself as 30 crept up on me.
I really do not know why the lead up to 30 was so stressful. I know I started dreading that number as early as 14 or so. I could not wait to grow up, but I also knew I never wanted to be 30. The closer the day, the more stressed out I became. It was so bad that I was physically sick during the last two days before my .(CRAZY! I know!) Once the end of the actual day was here, I was already beginning to wonder why I had been so worked up. It wasn't long until I had fully embraced my thirties. Now I can honestly say that my thirties have been so much better than I ever expected.
FREEDOM.
That is what my thirties have meant so far. Freedom to be ME! Freedom to figure out who I really am.
During the past few years, I have allowed myself to get to know me as an individual for the first time. Up to this point, I was only embracing whatever labels society placed on me. I was Steve's daughter (or Darla's daughter), Gary's big sister (or Jaymi's big sister or Brandon and Rob's little sister). Then I became Heath's wife and Sierra's mom. Eventually Will's mom and for a while single mom, then Matt's wife joined the list of titles I carried.
There have been other titles over the years, and I allowed them to define who I was. At some point after I turned thirty, I gave myself permission to stop being defined by the titles I carried. I gave myself permission to figure out who I was. I decided that I wanted to know who I was, not what my labels were.
I have been exploring MY interests and figuring out what I want out of life. I've been amazed at the number of things I thought I wouldn't enjoy, only to find out the bring me a great amount of joy. While I dreaded turning 30, it has actually been quite enjoyable. I'm more comfortable in my own skin than I ever have been in the past. I'm getting to know me, and I am enjoying the process. It hasn't all been easy. There has been heartache, but I have come to realize that it is part of life.
I've stopped holding back though. I'm embracing life, and trying my best to live it to the fullest. I can't wait to see what my future holds. I look forward to the opportunities and the challenges that life has to offer me. Overall, I really enjoy these numbers!
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