A re-introduction

Where has the time gone? I started this blog nearly a year ago. I made a few posts about random crap, and then I quit posting. Life got crazy, and I just am no good at posting about rainbows and sunshine when the is the last thing I see or want to talk about. Basically, this blog isn't going to be a happy cheerful one... at least not all of the time.

My 'vision' for this blog is to use it as a type of free therapy. I am going to admit that I am depressed. I have been for a very long time. I have tried to deny it, but I can't anymore. The depression is now causing physical problems. It is actually making me physically ill. I didn't even realize that depression could do that! I mean.... I'd heard people say that it could, but honestly I thought it was weak people using depression as an excuse. (I know that isn't going to make me any friends, but I really thought that was the case.) Maybe that is why I am struggling so much now.

I tried to was in denial about the depression for a long time. I kept thinking that if I ignored the depression, it would just go away. It didn't. It just kept getting worse. First, I cried a couple times a week. Then I cried a couple of times a day. Eventually, I could barely get out of bed. I would go to class, do just enough to get by, and then come home and crawl into bed. My 3.96 GPA was significantly lower at midterm. As it turns out, just doing enough to get by isn't enough to maintain that kind of GPA. Now I am not only trying to work though this depression, but I am also playing catch-up at school.

I am going to try to get through this depression without medication. I don't even take Tylenol when I get a headache. I really don't want to fill my body full of the chemicals that make up anti-depressants. Instead, I am going to work on forcing myself to put on foot in front of the other. I am going to drag myself out of bed. I am going to put my best effort into my homework again. I am going to clean my house instead of leaving that for my husband and my children to do.  I am going to focus on the things that matter in my life. I am going to spend the next thirty days focusing on the things in my life that I am thankful for. I don't know where I'll go from there. I guess only time will tell for sure.

Thanks for listening. I already feel a bit lighter. I guess there really is something to be said for talking about your problems. Maybe this will actually work.

~Stephanie