Unreal....

There is something about waking up when you realize you probably shouldn't have that just makes the rest of the day seem unreal.

Yesterday I had a very terrifying brush with death. I was driving home from an appointment I'd had, and the weather suddenly turned on me. Within just a couple of minutes, it went from a partly cloudy day to a bad thunderstorm. It was getting so bad, so fast that I honestly wondered if I might be driving into a tornado. I grabbed my cell phone and hit the speaker phone button. Then I hit the call button twice so that it would redial the last number I had called (my house). I can't even tell you how many times it rang because a few moments later, the bottom fell out and I really thought my time on this Earth was over.

After hitting the button to call home, the rain picked up tremendously. I remember a couple of things going through my mind almost simultaneously. 1. I need to get off of the interstate. I can't even see 2/10ths of a mile ahead (moments earlier I was able to see a mile or more). 2. I notice I am at mile marker 27. I have just passed an exit 2 miles earlier and I have 5 miles to go until the next one. 3. I can hear my daughter answering the phone, and feel my tires sliding at the exact same moment.

I should add that my tires were getting worn. The treads were mostly gone, and I knew they were going to need replaced very soon. I was hoping to wait a few months for financial reasons. I had already slowed down a bit due to viability and to keep from hydroplaning. Just as I heard my daughter say hello, I felt the back end slid. I don't know if I threw the phone or if it was still in my hand. I remember yelling "hold on" and then I don't know if I was speaking out loud or in my head (because my daughter couldn't hear much... everything seemed muffled). I know I just kept saying "oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God!" I was sure I was getting ready to die, and my daughter was going to hear it.

 I remember thinking it was going to be bad. For a split second I thought I had recovered, and then I was completely sideways on the interstate. I remember seeing the terror on the faces of the drivers of vehicles that had been behind me, except now they were coming straight towards my driver's door. I think I tried to correct the spin, but I am not even sure. I just know that then next thing I remember was cars going onto the shoulder on both sides of the road to keep from hitting me, and then I was sideways facing the other direction, and looking at a completely new set of terrified drivers coming right at me. I think I was trying to correct the spin and ended up over-correcting worse each time. I don't know for sure though, because instead of playing like a movie, my memories of those few seconds are just snapshots. It all happened so quickly, but it also felt as if everything was in slow motion.

I felt the car switch directions and spin the other way again, and this time, it felt like the car was going to roll. I'm sure it at least started to roll because my shoulder and most of my body is really sore on that side. God kept the car upright somehow though, and suddenly I was stopped. I felt so relieved for a split second until I realized that I was stopped in the middle of both lanes, facing northbound on the southbound side of the interstate. All I could see was cars going around me on both sides, and a semi coming straight at me. I knew in that moment that I had not escaped without injury after all. I knew my life was over.  Once again, God stopped something from happening though. The semi stopped mere inches from my car. I threw the car in reverse and quickly backed myself onto the shoulder, still facing the wrong direction.

At this point I remember that my daughter is on the phone. Again, I don't know if I threw the phone, or if I somehow held onto it, but I remember asking her to call my husband (who was out with his brother) and tell him to call me. I assured her that I was fine and hung up. Reality was catching up to me quickly and I was shaking so violently that I knew I wouldn't even be able to dial the phone. After talking to my husband and calming myself down a bit, the rain let up. I checked the tires, and realized that miraculously the car was undamaged. During a break in the traffic I quickly turned my vehicle around. I continued to sit on the shoulder of the interstate trying to calm myself down. Nearly 20 minutes after I spun out, I pulled back onto the interstate.

It only took me a few seconds to realize that I was far too shaken up to drive. I couldn't even get the car going fast enough to be on the interstate safely without going into a panic attack. I got back onto the shoulder and slowly made my way to the next exit just a few miles away. I then called my husband and told him I needed him to come and get me. I was not safe to drive. The car was fine, but I was not. Because of the circumstances (he was at the lake, fishing) it took a bit for him to get to me. They had to put their supplies back into his brothers car, they had to get gas (I was still at least 25 miles from home) and because of the construction on the northbound side of the interstate, they were delayed a bit. I knew I couldn't just sit there, so I called my mom. I needed to talk to someone to keep from completely falling apart.

By the time my husband was able to get to me, he said it was pretty apparent that I was in shock. I was sweating but my skin felt very cold to the touch, I felt numb and almost detached. I was hyperventilating, my heart was racing, and felt very dizzy and nauseated. He was able to drive us home with only minor breakdowns on my part. When he first arrived I sobbed into his chest for a moment and then moved to the passenger seat so he could get me home. Once I was home, I hugged both of my kids as tight as I could and then went to bed. It was only 4:00 pm, but I was so tired, I knew I had to sleep. I think my body and mind were just completely overwhelmed, and needed to shut down to protect me.

Today has felt unreal for the most part. I feel almost disconnected. I forced myself to drive a bit. The first time was just three blocks between our house and our church. The car never went above 20 mph and I was having a minor panic attack before it was over. Later this evening we decided to go fishing. We took the truck instead of the car and I forced myself to drive again. I wasn't as stressed driving the truck as I had been the car, so I hoped that it was a sign I was going to be okay after all. Of course, it decided to rain on us, so we had to quickly pack up and head home. I did manage to drive in the rain (though much slower than normal). I am going to force myself back onto the interstate on Monday. I don't know which vehicle. I know I need to drive the car again, but if there is any chance of rain, I will be taking the truck. I just am not ready to risk it yet.

There really is something just unreal about a day like today. I shouldn't be here. There is no doubt in my mind, I should have been killed yesterday. There is no question that I would have been, except that God chose to intervene and kept me safe. It feels so unreal that I would likely think it was just a bad dream, except the aching muscles and sore shoulder remind me that it was terrifying real and much to close for comfort.